Should I Wear The Black Hat?

I've always wondered what my villain origin story was. 

I have to think it began when I got my first "Where can you find the CNX channel on the cable dial in London?" all those years ago. When I began CNX: Toonami Revolution back in 1998, CNX was always a dream to create a Toonami network. From that dream, I created a webpage, started a community, built an inner circle with like-minded friends, joined a great group of fans who became my online family. I got noticed by Cartoon Network, befriended the creators of the block that inspired me, and ended up brainstorming with others at the channel, especially international locales, about what a Toonami channel could look like. Didn't know they'd actually do it. 

Didn't know they'd take my name, something I built for years, either.  I rebuilt myself, created new names, but the damage was done.

It was the beginning of a long trip that made me forever have trust issues with everybody. It scarred me for life.

It's the reason I rarely put anything creative online. It's the reason I continue to side eye everything Warner Bros does to this day despite still loving what that company has collectively given me since I was a child.

It's the reason I will blast any corporate ineptitude in the media & question everything. It's the reason I will always call out any media company that betrays the audience's trust.

I don't trust these media companies. 

I know what they're capable of doing. 

I know they will smile in your face while not giving you credit for anything. I know they will use you, take advantage of you if you're a fan, and leave you dead on the street while finding someone new to use.

I speak from 25+ years of experience. I know what I'm capable of doing and saying. I know my worth. I know my words have power and can be used to entertain, inspire, and influence. I also know that if used improperly, my words can be used for malice, destruction, and chaos. 

And it scares me.

I know what happened to me was my villain origin, but I've chosen to remain the good guy. That's how I was raised to be. That's the role I continue to play professionally and personally. I will be cordial with these companies. I will acknowledge the good they do. I will be respectful to them. But I will not be a fool. I will not be used anymore.  I still wear the white cap. 

But every now and then, I'm tempted to wear the black hat.

I'll still be the hero. But pray that I remain that way.

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