I'm Done

I don't think I can do this anymore. I'm tired. I'm done. I feel broken. I can't do this anymore. 

The internet isn't the place I first stepped into back when I first got online in 1996. This isn't the same internet I used to log on a dial-up modem when I got my first home computer in 1997. This isn't the same internet I started my first really successful webpage on GeoCities back in 1998. This isn't the same internet I found a great community of friends back in 1999. 

This isn't the same internet I found the love of my life over a decade ago. This isn't the same internet I found many friends through Twitter back in 2008.

That internet is gone. 

GeoCities died a long time ago. My old webpage is history. That old community has devolved into a group of whiners. 

The love of my life died almost three years ago. 

The site formerly known as Twitter is now just a white supremacist playground. where everybody who is not a straight White Christian male is not welcome. 

All the things I used to love has disappointed me. There is no more Cartoon Network. Adult Swim is a joke. Toonami is a mess. Warner Bros Discovery is run by a cheap, tax-cheating, myopic bigoted moron and a board of directors who clearly let him do whatever he wants. And he's going to get richer and gain more power. 

The western animation industry I've loved since I was a kid is dying, and the only person seemingly getting noticed is the smug rabblerouser who's getting more press and money than all of the folks he's supposed to be the mouthpiece for combined. 

I have nothing to look forward to, and even things that could be coming may never come, thanks to companies exploiting tax laws, especially the one media company I still kind of like even though it has broken my spirit time and time again. 

And now, as I'm writing this, the United States has fully admitted that they want to be a permanent fascist kingdom ruled by a rapist, tax-cheating convicted felon who has free reign to do whatever the hell he wants to do, including run for a third term and more until the day he dies thanks to a Supreme Court which will in all likelihood become even more of a conservative dictatorship for the next 35 years, a foreign-born oligarch with more money than he knows what do with and will likely get more unchecked government oversight, and the Russian government he has no qualms working with or accepting hope from. 

They literally wrote a guidebook about what they're going to do.

And once again, I am reminded how much the country I was born in hates anybody who doesn't fit in the straight White Christian male mold. 

The only thing I'm not in that mold is White, and because of that, I feel threatened every time by all sides. I'm Black. Not BIPOC. BLACK. I can hear the pearls clutching on my side of the screen. 

Society and the media already demonized me.  The Left treats me as a commodity they could exploit every election cycle and then disappear when they get what they want. The Center fetishizes me and just wish folks like me just be complacent and satisfied about everything "given" to me. The Right just wish I was a slave, sent to Africa, or dead. 

And I'm sure a lot of people may be reading this are saying that I need to stop whining and shut up.

Fine. 

You win. 

I can't do this anymore. As I said, I have nothing to look forward to. Nothing to aim toward. I need to step away from the internet and social media for the foreseeable future. I'm not feeling like doing anything productive online anymore. I'm almost to the point of just being a passive viewer of media, stop reacting to things I like, celebrating stories of the past, and creating things fin the future. 

When you have a name like Harris and see what happened in this country I live in, you feel a kindred connection and feel that rejection amplified onto you.  

I did my all, but I guess my all didn't mean too much in the end. 

Tonight, I can't say I love my country. It's always been a hard phrase for me to say throughout my life as a Black man in America. I've always gotten the sense that many folks want to be Black without actually being Black, like Blade. You know, all the strengths of a vampire and none of the weaknesses?

And this election doubly hurts because I am a Harris. 

I was born a Harris. I was raised by Harrises. Strong, inspirational, intelligent Harris women. Black women who built me up, encouraged me, and helped me become the man that I am today. So, yeah, when I saw another Harris woman potentially take the highest office in the land and literally be the most qualified candidate for the job, I felt pride and hoped for a better tomorrow. Instead, I've seen a country celebrate and embrace someone who embodies greed, hate, arrogance, divisiveness, vengeance, wrath, bigotry, sexism, racism, and blasphemy and pretty much making him an untouchable dictator.  And seeing a Harris being soundly rejected so openly by this country, yeah, I took that personally. Maybe more than I should have, but this hurts.   

After the election, I can't even fake my love for this country anymore. I tend to be an optimistic person by nature, but now, that part of me has sapped. How could I be when your country pretty much embraced a racist whose political career was built on demonizing and delegitimizing Black men? 

I feel defeated. I feel drained. I feel lost. 

And I just feel like I can't do this anymore. And by "this," I don't mean living. I'm going to live the hell out of this life as long as I can. When I mean "this," I mean writing and commentating online as I've been doing for over 25 years. 

My heart isn't in it.

I'm just going to tend to things on the other side of the computer. I'm not going to posting as much as I had in the past. I'll be around, but not to the degree I used to be. 

I already abandoned my Twitter account. I'm never posting or retweeting anything that hellsite ever again. 

I just need to take a bit of a break. Don't long how long it'll be. Maybe it'll be a day or two. Maybe it'll be the rest of the year. Maybe longer. 

Maybe when I feel like doing something, I'll be back. But for now, and the foreseeable future, I'm done. 

Thank you for watching the show. Stay strong, exhale, don't let the bastards take away your joy, and keep creating.