Aug 17, 2004

Kids Are Stupid, Stupid Rat Creatures

So are network executives, but I'll get to that later on.

As the continual eradication of classic animation continues within the halls of Techwood Drive and the continual spitting on the legacy of those same classics continues within the halls of Williams Street, I wonder who the real culprits are behind the executive changes, and it comes down to three people:

- upper management of Cartoon Network and Time Warner
- programmers at Cartoon Network
- stupid, stupid rat creatures, also known as kids

I'll pick on the kids because, well, I can.

Kids are stupid, stupid little rat creatures who are too spoiled, too conceited, and way too commercial-obsessed. Their attention spans are about the size of a gnat. Their tastes are ever-evolving and foolishly, network executives try to cater to them. That's why you see shows like Ed, Edd, and Eddy, Totally Spies, and Billy and Mandy as well as junk like Pokemon and Yu-Gi-Oh filtered at almost all of the kid-vid hours.

Kids don't know what they like and are spoonfed whatever executives feel are cool. Or at least what executives feel that kids will think is cool. Apparently, executives feel that kids enjoy newer shows rather than older shows. In a way, they're right. Kids do tend to enjoy new shows a little more than older shows. However, just because it's newer doesn't mean that it's better by any stretch.

Usually, shows with the most advertising tend to be watched by a lot of people. That's the reason why advertising exist: to attract both familiar viewers and to introduce something to new viewers. Shows that are advertised are likely going to be watched by somebody. Shows that aren't advertised aren't going to be watched. That's something you learn in Introduction to Marketing, so it's pretty much elementary.

So, explain to me how some people fail to realize that general principle in marketing? On all these boards, I see people trying to defend the decisions made by Cartoon Network to limit classic animation by a now-tired excuse: "Kids won't watch them."

Like I said earlier, kids are stupid, stupid rat creatures that are spoonfed by executives. That said, if kids aren't exposed to advertising towards classic animation programming, then those shows aren't going to be seen. Fricken common sense if you ask me. I have yet to see an ad for "The Looney Tunes Show" on Cartoon Network since the new look of series was introduced over a year ago. Heck, there weren't many ads for the recent Duck Dodgers Saturday Block Party. And they do advertise for SBP every day, but the limited ads troubled me. These were the new episodes that were not only delayed numerous times, but were really good.

Anyway, back to the advertising situation. Kids don't watch Looney Tunes because they don't know that they're on. I know defenders of Cartoon Network would easily say that they could read the tv listings for show times. Yeah, they could, but that's not a valid excuse either. Some kids can't read, and more or less, kids watch whatever their attention is drawn to. Kids are stupid (perhaps if I say that fact over and over, people will actually absorb it).

They're also not going to look at something that airs in an ungodly hour of the day either. 6 AM EST is an ungodly hour any day of the week. 6 AM on a weekend morning is unbearably ungodly. Kids won't get up early if they really don't have to. At the earliest, most kids wake up around 9 AM on an average Saturday morning. So, the scheduling of classic animation at the ungodly hour of 6 AM on weekend mornings doesn't make sense.

In case you're just now finding out about this, the two-hour classic block that had Boomerang and The Looney Tune show is now just an hour of one classic HB show and three Warner Bros. shorts at 6 AM every weekend morning. That's one hour of Looney Tunes every week. By comparison, Totally Spies (which replaced the Sunday LT airing) comes on nine-and-a-half hours per week and Ed, Edd, and Eddy (which replaced the Saturday LT) comes on for ten-and-a-half hours (not counting the four-hour Camp Cartoon Network Monday block).

One more time, with numbers (hour:minutes):

Looney Tunes - 1:00
Totally Spies - 9:30
Ed, Edd, and Eddy - 10:30 (14:30 with Camp Cartoon Network)

One final time, to get the point across for those that may have missed it (i.e. the guys who defend Cartoon Network's decision to cut down classic animation and want to blame it on kids for not watching them on early weekend mornings without any advertisements):

Looney Tunes - One hour per week.
Totally Spies and Ed, Edd, and Eddy - Over 20 hours per week (a whole day if you count the Camp Cartoon airings of EE&E).

If you don't get it, I don't think that you will.

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